|:: " Marriage Software Division" ::|

• This is what a guy wrote to our systems analyst (Marriage Software Division):

Dear Systems Analyst,

I am desperate for some help! I recently upgraded my program from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected Child Processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure. In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during systems initialization and then it monitors all other system activities.
Applications such as 'Boys Night' out 2.5' and 'Golf 5.3' no longer run, and crashes the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate selected 'Saturday Rugby 6.3' always fails and 'Saturday Shopping 7.1' runs instead.
I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favorite applications. Be it online or offline.
I am thinking of going back to 'Girlfriend 7.0', but uninstall doesn't work on this program. Can you please help?

• And This is what our analyst said:

Dear Customer,

This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding of the functions of the Wife 1.0 program. Many customers upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITY AND ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM. Actually, Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its Creator to run everything on your current platform.
You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0, as Wife 1.0 was not designed to do this and it is impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the System once it is installed.
Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but have ended up with even more problems. (See manual under Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors' Fees).
Having Wife 1.0 installed, I recommend you keep it Installed and deal with the difficulties as best as you can. When any faults or problems occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the.........

C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE Program and avoid attempting to use the *Esc-Key for it will freeze the entire system.

It may be necessary to run C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME..EXE a number of times, and eventually hope that the operating system will return to normal.
Wife 1.0, although a very high maintenance programme, can be very rewarding..
To get the most out of it, consider buying additional Software such as 'Flowers 2.0' and 'Chocolates 5.0' or 'HUGS\ KISSES 600.0' or 'TENDERNESS\ UNDERSTANDING 1000.0' or even Eating Out Without the Kids 7.2.1' (if Child processing has already started).
DO NOT under any circumstances install 'Secretary 2.1 ' (Short Skirt Version) or 'One Nightstand 3.2' (Any Mood Version), as this is not a supported Application for Wife 1.0 and the system will almost certainly CRASH.

BEST WISHES ! :) [^_^]

:> A R Y A  |  J A Y K E S H

:::FACEBOOK POEM:::

:::FACEBOOK POEM:::

Facebook sa face hai tera, Google si hai aankhein
Enter kar ke search karu to, bus Mujhe hi taake
Rediff jaise Laal gaal tere, Hotmail se honth
Balkha ke chalti hai jab tu, Lage jigar pe chot
Surahi dar gardan Teri, Lagti ho Gmail
Apne dil ke internet pe, Padh mera email;

50 FUNNY COMPUTER QUOTES

EXCLUSIVE POST**** MUST READ

************50 FUNNY COMPUTER QUOTES*************

50. "Some things Man was never meant to know. For everything else, there's Google."

49. "Failure is not an option -- it comes bundled with Windows."

48. "Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music."

47. Press any key to continue..or any other key to quit..

46. "Artificial Intelligence usually beats natural stupidity."

45. "To err is human... to really foul up requires the root password."

44. "Like car accidents, most hardware problems are due to driver error."

LIFE BEFORE COMPUTER

                :: LIFE BEFORE COMPUTER ::

• -Window was a square hole in a room.
• 
  
• -Application was something written in paper.
• 
  
• -Mouse was an animal.
• 
  
• -Keyboard was a Piano.
• 
  
• -File was a important office material.
• 
  
• -Hard Drive was a uncomfortable road trip.
• 
  
• -Cut was done with Knife n Paste was done with glue.
• 
  
• -Web was spider's home.
• 
  
• -Virus was flu.
• 
  
• -Apple and Blackberry were just fruits.
• 
  
• -We couldn't "UNDO" anything we have done..!

FLIRTING WITH C PROGRAM

#include
#include
#include
#include
#define Cute beautiful_lady

Main()
{
Goto college;
Scanf("100%" ,&ladies);

If(lady ==Cute)
Line++;
While( !reply )
{

Printf("I Love U");
Scanf("100%" ,&reply);
}

If(reply == "GAALI")
Main();    /* go back and repeat the process*/

Else if(reply == "SANDAL ")
Exit(1);

Else if(reply == "I Love U")
{
Lover =Cute ;
Love = (heart*)malloc( sizeof(lover) );
}

Goto restaurant;

Restaurant:
{
Food++;
Smile++;
Pay->money = lover->money;
Return(college) ;
}

If(time==2.30)

Goto cinema;

Cinema:
{
Watch++;
If(intermission)
{
Coke++;
Popcorn++;
}

LOOT MAAR SOFTWARES

Gabbar sends Kaaliaand two others to Ramgad to collect the loot-maar software he had ordered.


They reach Ramgad and started shouting: "Abe O thakur! Kahan hai woh loot-maar software? Last date to kab ka nikal gaya".


Thakur [with anger]:"Chillao mat! jaakar Gabbar se kah do ki Thakur Software walon ne paagal kutton ke liye software banana bund kar diya hai."


Kaalia:"Bahoot garmi dikha rahe ho thakur? Koi naye programmers hire kiye hain kya?"


Thakur:"Nazar uttha ke dekh, Kaalia, tere sar par powerbuilder chal raha hai."


Kaalia looks up and sees Viru (Dharmendra) working on a PC on one Water tank and Jay (Amitabh) on another, using a laptop.


Kaalia Starts Laughing and says: "Ha ha... thakur ne freshers ko liya hai, Ye log Programming karenge? In ko to DOS commands bhi nahin aate."


Veeru shouts: "Chup-chaap chala ja kutte. Hum log consultants hain, Kuch bhi kar sakte hain."


Jay hits his keyboard,then says: "jaao kaalia,Gabbar se kahna ki uska server down ho gaya ."
AT GABBAR'S DEN...


Gabbar:"Kitne bugs the?"
Kaalia: "Do sarkaar."


Gabbar:"Wo do! Aur tum teen. Phir bhi fix nahi kar sake? Kya soch key aaye ho? Gabbar bahoot khush hoga? Naya assignment dega ...aur increment bhi? Iski saza milegi... barobar milegi."


[Snatches an X terminal from Sambaa]. "Kitne sessions hain is machine mein?"


Sambaa: "Chhey sarkaar."


Gabbar:"Session chhey aur programmer teen. Bahoot naainsaafi hai." [logout - logout - logout]. "Haan ab theek hai...ab tera kya hoga" Kaalia?"


Kaalia:"Sarkaar, maine aapka code likha tha."
Gabbar: "To ab documentation kar!

If windows were to be in Punjabi

If windows were to be in Punjabi, then you would be using the following commands on your computer:


Send = Sutto
Insert = Wich Paao
Attachement = Naal Laao
Edit = Sidda Karo
View = Waikhee Jaao
Forward = Aggay Sutto
Inbox = Undar Da Daak Khaana
Outbox = Baar Da Daak Khana
Trash = Mitti Paao
Sent Items = Bheji Gayee Dak
Address Book = Patay Wali Kaapy
Reply = Bejan Walay Nu Jawab do
Reply All = Saareyaan Nu Jawab do
Delete = Daffa Karo
Download = Thallay Laao
Download All = Saary Cheezan Noon Thallay Laao
Properties = Jaidaad
Connect = Naal Milaao
Fonts = Likhaai
Accounts = Galla
Drafts = Chitheeyaan
Find = Labbo
Paste = Thook Naal Chipkaao
From = Bhejan Walaa Banda
To = Door Betha Hoya Banda
Subject = Khaas Gall
Carbon Copy = Koelay Walee Naqal
Blind Carbon Copy = Anni Koelay Walee Naqal
Stationery = Pensal, Rubburd, Shaapnar
Folders = Bastey
High priority = Waddee Takleef


and finally


Ctrl+Alt+Delete = Sara Syapa Mukaao..

FUNNY COMPUTER DEFINTIONS

KEYBOARD – Where you hang the keys to the John Deere


ROM – Where the pope lives


SCSI – What you call your week-old underwear


CHIP – Pasture muffins that you try not to step in


BAR CODE – Them’s the fight’n rules down at the local tavern


BUG – The reason you give for calling in sick


DIGITAL – The art of counting on your fingers


CRASH – When you go to Junior’s party uninvited


ONLINE – Where to stay when taking the sobriety test


MAC – Big Bubba’s favorite fast food


TERMINAL – Time to call the undertaker


DISKETTE – Female Disco dancer


HARDCOPY – Picture looked at when selecting tattoos


SCREEN – Helps keep the skeeters off the porch


SUPERCONDUCTOR – Amtrak’s Employee of the year

Acronymns...the real meanings

Acronymns...the real meanings


PCMCIA - People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
ISDN - It Still Does Nothing
SCSI - System Can't See It
DOS - Defective Operating System
BASIC - Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
IBM - I Blame Microsoft
DEC - Do Expect Cuts
CD-ROM - Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
OS/2 - Obsolete Soon, Too.
WWW - World Wide Wait
MACINTOSH - Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
PENTIUM - Produces Erroneous Numbers Thru Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics
COBOL - Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
AMIGA - A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction
LISP - Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis
MIPS - Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
WINDOWS - Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
MICROSOFT - Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
RISC - Reduced Into Silly Code"

Why i Joined The IT.........??

Why i Joined The IT

Reactions:
There are top 7 reasons why i joined the IT Field

1) I hated sleep and lazness.
2) I had enjoyed my life enough and dont want more.
3) I couldn't live without tension and i need more.
4) I wanted to pay for my sins.
5) I dont love to my eyes
6) Everything in life has a reason; I wanted to prove it wrong.
7) I wanted to take revenge on myself.

COMPUTER JOKES

Read and laugh and start your work..

Jo sadiyaon se hota aaya hai
woh repeat kar doonga...
Tu naa mili to tujhko dil sey
Ctrl+Alt+delete kar doonga...
************ *******
Company kee ladkiyaan sunder hain
aur lonely hain...
Problem ye hai ki bus voh
READ-ONLY hain...
************ *******
Shayad mere pyar ko taste
karna bhool gaye...
Dil sey aisa CUT kiya
ke PASTE karna bhool gaye...
************ *******
Tumhare samne hain itney items
kabhi hame bhi pick karo...
Hamare pyar ke ICON pe
kabhi to tum DOUBLE-CLICK karo...
************ *******
Roz subha hum karte hai
itne pyar se unhe good morning...
woh humhe ghoor kar dekhte hain
jaise 0 ERRORS but 5 WARNINGS...
************ *******
Ho gayi galti humse, click ho gaya mouse
Duniya ki parwaah chhodo, ban jaao meri spouse!
************ *******
Tumse mila main kal to, mere dil mein hua ek sound,
Lekin aaj tum mili to kehti ho: Your file not found!
************ *******
Ab aur kaho na tum, "but" ya "if"
Tum ho meri zindagi ki animated gif
************ *******
Ghar se nikalti ho tum jab, pehen ke evening gown
Too many requests se, ho jaata hai server down
************ *******
Tumhaare liye pyaar ki application, create main
karoonga
Tum usse debug karna, wait main karoonga
************ *******
Tumhaara intezaar karte karte, main so gaya
Yeh dekho mera connection, time out ho gaya
************ *******
Kya chaal hai tumhaari, jaise chalti hai koi cat
What is your ICQ number, aao karein chat
************ *******
Tum jabse meri zindagi mein, aayi ho banke female
Yaad raha na ab kuch, na postman , na e-Mail.

Enjoy fullforms of IT companies {Joke]

enjoy full forms of IT companies

1. NIIT : Not Interested in IT

2. WIPRO : Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output

3. HCL : Hidden Costs & Losses

4. TCS : Totally Confusing Solutions

5. INFOSYS :Inferior Offline Systems

6. HUGHES : Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping

7. BAAN : Beggars Association and Nerds

8. IBM : Implicitly Boring Machines

9. SATYAM : Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly

10. PARAM : Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors

11. C-DOT : Coffee During Office Timings

12. L&T : Lovely & Terrible

13. CMC : Coffee, Meals and Comfort

14. DEC : Drifting & Exhausted Computers

15. BFL : Brainwash First and Let them go

17. TISL : Totally Inconsistent Systems Ltd.

18. PSI : Peculiar Symptoms of India

19. ORACLE : On-line Romance And Chatting with Lady Employ
Reply Reply by chat View this conversation

collapse scrap